And so I begin again.In two years I have retired two rings.
One, worn for 12 years, betrayed by another. The oaths discarded, promises not kept. A life made and unmade. The anger and resentment slowly fading still.
The second worn for too short a time. Betrayed by reality. We left it undefended, unsupported and without hope in our own ways. I realized my errors (or so I believe) and tried to correct them, bring them to light.
But how to show another what you have only learned through pain? Is it possible? Must we always learn the things that really matter, the things that will truly make a difference in our lives, by trial and error?
Perhaps I am wrong again. Perhaps she will be happy in this path she has chosen, despite it failing in the past. I hope so. And I hope not. But that is, at the end, selfish.
Yes, selfish. That is one thing I have learned. The ability to say 'I think you're kidding yourself' when that's what I feel. The ability to say 'I hope at the end you're happy, but I want that to be with me, not him'. Being supportive for things I don't believe doesn't help me. And I've never seen it help another. It was the perhaps the last bastion of 'integrity' I had suppressed for others. No more.
Two rings, two years.
I will learn, and be a better, stronger person for it.
I will not give in to the turbulence of life.
I will be happy again. Preferably with her, but it will happen without her as well.
I will not give in to the anger and hurt.
I will carry on.
Invictus.
