Billy Joel described a room within your heart that serves as a solace, a refuge ('And so it goes' is the name of the song, in case you didn't figure it out from the entry title). This room allows you to recover, and heal wounds.
Now, I'm not a big fan of using song lyrics to learn about life. That being said, I think this song made me realize something about myself.
I don't have that room in my heart. I live with my heart upon my sleeve. No keys, no doors, no rooms. Exposed. Vulnerable. But open. Free.
Capable of loving 100%, since I'm not hiding away that little room. Capable of being crippled as well. Highs and lows, extremes that perhaps I should have learned to avoid. But that type of thinking is what leads people to shut out others, to close themselves in. To isolate themselves.
I refuse to do that. I will lead my life as I have. Open & honestly. I believe in truth. I believe love is worth fighting for. Worth dying for. Worth sacrifice.
So I will base my actions on that standard. I found someone I love. And I left, without realizing the implications. Without all the information. It was my fault as much as anyones. (Yet another learning experience.)
So, unless that person finds love and happiness without me, I will go back to her. (And yes, she asks that I look for my own happiness, which I will seek. Though I doubt anything remotely like it will appear.) I will return, and ask for forgiveness for my mistakes. Offer my love. My life. My hopes.
I know she deserves happiness, even if she sometimes doesn't. I believe she can be happy, even when she doesn't. I only hope I can be part of that happiness.
So, this summer. I will look at where we are. Where she is.
If she is moving toward happiness, I will lick my wounds. I will suffer a not so small death. I will move on. Or try to. I'd be lying if I said I was sure I would succeed.
If not, I will send out applications. I will find a job back on the east coast. I will return to her. And hope I can be what she needs to be happy. And, though I don't believe in God/gods/deity I will pray. I will do whatever I can to be what will make her happy.
Ya tebya liubliu.
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3 comments:
Ya tebya liubliu...
Your interpretation of Billy Joel's 'And So It Goes' is not quite accurate. The essence of the lyric is not about shutting the world out. It's about being aware of all the pain and heartache that can come from being in love, but to still be willing to be vulnerable, and risk everything for love. The author uses the line "In every heart/There is a room/a sanctuary safe and strong" to recognize the need to mourn the death of a relationship. He also admits that there is (based on his own experience) a probability that future relationships won't last-"And so it goes". But he risks everything anyway because he refuses to deny his heart's desire - "And you can have this heart to break".
too sad..............
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